The Slow Burn of Rejection

The following is an excerpt from Episode 45 – The Slow Burn of Rejection. Listen to the whole episode on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.

There is no human alive that has never been rejected by someone of the opposite sex. Romantic rejection is something that we have all dealt with in some sort of way. Some of us may only deal with it once or twice, striking out now and again. Some of us more.

There is random and quick rejection, which I think guys deal with more. The type of rejection that you get at the bar when trying to buy someone a drink or just randomly talking to people. That’s quick and usually doesn’t sting as bad. The pain doesn’t linger because you haven’t invested as much time into them. You weren’t even trying that hard.

The type of romantic rejection that stings, though? The long-term rejection. The one that you should’ve seen coming from miles away, but it still hit you like a ton of bricks anyway. I think most people, if not everyone has been rejected at least once in this way. It’s usually that person who you’ve had a crush on for forever, maybe you two are just friends who flirt a lot or maybe you two have been messing around casually. Whatever the case, you’re more interested in them than they are in you. Maybe you see their disinterest and you don’t care or think you can change their mind (you’ll never change their mind, FYI). But eventually you’ve caught real feelings, and now you’re feeling that slow burn of rejection. Them pulling away, ghosting you. This is the rejection that lasts with us. The rejection that we never quite forget or heal from. It’s always lingering, hanging around like a dark cloud on a bright July day, ready to rain on your parade whenever it gets the chance. This slow burn stays until someone new comes along to put out the fire, but 9 times out of 10, we are either afraid of the burn coming back or not willing to let go of it.

There is no ending with these slow, long term rejections. Whenever you get rejected and things like end like that in a quick and easy way, if you’re getting rejected at the bar, it’s over. From then on, you’re not going to go talk to them again that night. You know where you stand at the end of the rejection because it is so quick and sudden. With these long-term rejections though, they build up over time and fade out, but it never really has an ending. You know, the way dating is today, nobody really says, “Hey, I’m not interested.”

It’s not like getting rejected at the bar. If you buy a girl a drink and then she runs away – you know you just got rejected. If f the guy is talking to you and then he’s like, “Hey, your friend’s really hot” – you know you just got rejected. But in this long term sort of rejection, there’s just no definite end, which is why these kind of rejections hurt so much.

Sometimes it takes somebody new. Sometimes it takes, you know, being alone for a while. Sometimes it just takes therapy. Whatever it takes to get over it!

I do have a couple bits of advice I can give you when it comes to romantic rejection:

  1. Focus on quality, not quantity. Think about those who are rejecting you. Are they even a good catch? Someone that you’d actually want in your life? Do they have the qualities that you’d want in a partner in life, or really even a partner in bed for the night? If not, then why are you pressed about their rejection. Okay, so they don’t like you for whatever reason. GOOD! They weren’t what you like anyways. Assess the quality of the people whom are rejecting you. If they are the type of people that you don’t really want in your life, then there you go – don’t worry about the rejection. But if they are the type of people that you do see yourself with, then think about what you may be doing wrong because yes, news flash, it sometimes IS yourfault that you’re being rejected. 
  2. If you’re younger than 20, then I can almost promise you that that rejection won’t hurt, that that person won’t mean a thing to you, in 5 years. Hell, sometimes we think our world is ending, but forget all about it in 6 months. You’re young, you’ll bounce back. Whether it was a brief month-long fling or a high school sweetheart that lasted 4 years, you will move past it. As time passes, you’ll mature, you’ll grow, and you’ll forget. Yes this advice can really stand for anyone, regardless of age, but especially for you young folks. You’ll get past it.

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